My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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