Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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