Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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