Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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