Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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