Got a toothbrush?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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