there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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