What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
wow bdsm is so cute
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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