I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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