Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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