The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize