My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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