no, he came in my armpit
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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