He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
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I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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