Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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