every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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