I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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