i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
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I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
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I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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