i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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