dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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