Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize