If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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