Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we're making bets on your personal life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize