Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
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