So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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