You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize