Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
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Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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