Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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