Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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