Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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