You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize