his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize