i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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