I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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