I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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