fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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