So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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