I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize