I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
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just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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