I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize