Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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