just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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