and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
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Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
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Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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