All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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