Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Im at strip club and am horny
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
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Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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