I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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