I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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