I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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