I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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