Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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