and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize